JUST 45 MINUTES FROM PARADISE as revised for performance at the Mountain Valley Resort--Summer 2000 formerly: Peg Leg Bates' Country Club Kerhonkson--Catskills, N.Y. copyright 2000 Eugenia Macer-Story If you stage these scenes, email Magick Mirror Communications: SET The stage is set to represent the ornamental gardens of a large estate. Several paths wind down to the front area, where there are several white wrought iron chairs and a table. The first two scenes are from the past, and are played in an illuminated area at the front of the darkened stage. The main stage area immediately becomes bright for scene three and stays that way for the rest of the play. CHARACTERS DIANA, an itinerant peddler SONNEY SONENLIGHTENER, a small-time musician MR. CLARKE, a studio production assistant ANTHIE JOHNSON, a wealthy woman of fifty, very fashionably dressed BARBARA JOHNSON, her daughter, twenty-five, fashionably dressed DR. LILY ROSENBERG, a psychiatrist, late twenties, severely dressed THE ROSEBUD BAND: PEEWEE, vocals SISSY, banjo POLLY, banjo DORCHESTER ARMS, banjo DEON, Diana’s son, about fourteen RAYMOND, a nonesuch vagrant ACT ONE Scene 1 A thin, spindly-looking woman sits dealing cards. She is dressed in an ill-fitting flowered dress, and sits cross-legged with her feet tucked up under the skirt. She throws these cards down in front of her casually, in a solitaire-like arrangement, singing in a rough, offhand way: DIANA money which is freely given never can be stolen hearts which are freely loving never can be broken who can count the petals I have on my pink carnation? who can steal the wild, green blades from the roots of the gypsy nation? Young SONENLIGHTENER wanders in, carrying his concertina. he stops behind the woman to listen, and as she becomes aware of him, she breaks off her song and jumps to her feet, producing at the same time a large bouquet of assorted flowers from beneath her skirt. DIANA Flowers for the migrant refugee children, mister? SONNEY (fending her off) No! DIANA (blocking his path) Flowers for the little migrant refugee children. SONNEY (taking her arm to move her out of the way) Excuse me. DIANA (resisting) Flowers, sir: only one dollar and fifty cents. SONNEY (dropping her arm) I can’t afford that. DIANA (brandishing a flower) Only one dollar and fifty cents. SONNEY (taking a five dollar bill out of his wallet) All right. Do you see that? DIANA (winking and running her thumb along the tips of her fingers in an obscene way, meaning contempt for his money) I see it, sweetheart. SONNEY You do? Well, that’s my breakfast...my breakfast, my dinner, my lunch and my cab fare, sweetheart...believe me. DIANA (standing directly in front of him) No, and you ain’t going nowhere with that bill, sweetheart, please believe me. (urgently) And do you want me to tell you why this bad luck is going to come? Do you want me to help you out, mister? SONNEY I wouldn’t mind that...no. DIANA (sarcastically) All right...so you want the truth, mister. That is going to cost you exactly four dollars...four dollars and fifty cents. SONNEY I don’t have it. DIANA Four dollars! You don’t have four dollars? Then what do you do going around with that five dollar bill? You give me entirely the wrong impression. SONNEY Do I? DIANA Yes. You show me the five dollars, mister, and then you tell me you ain’t got four.... SONNEY (taking ahold of one of her flowers) Where do you get these anyway, princess? DIANA What’s the matter? Do you think I steal these? Is that what you think, eh? SONNEY Well, no, darling. I’m not quite so sure. Once I bought a bouquet of carnations from a girl like you...just bought one on the spur of the moment, you know, and when I got home I found out that the stems were all twisted with wire, all twisted with wire...like from some...ah...memorial arrangement, but that was awhile ago. DIANA Now, you don’t know, sweetheart, and I got to tell you: take a look at the days to come. SONNEY The days to come? Ah...all right, I’ll buy it. DIANA You going to get yourself some crazy money. SONNEY (offering her the five dollar bill) All right. Now, do you have change? DIANA No...no...keep your money. I can’t accept that, sweetheart. SONNEY What? You can’t accept that? I thought you were...ah...a gypsy selling flowers from the cemetery.... DIANA No, no. Please, sir, and as a matter of fact, now, I would like to present you with a memento from this special bouquet. As you can see, sir, there is no wire. The blossom itself, sweetheart, is made out of wax...entirely of was...a very special and important sort of wax, as a matter of fact. SONNEY (accepting a blossom) Wax!? It looks like plastic. This is real original - an original routine. So then, I’ll...ah...I’ll give you five dollars, and you give me back three-fifty in change. DIANA (rummaging in the pockets of her skirt) If I got three-fifty in change...you know, sir, I really don’t like to say these things, but you got a dark cloud around you now, a very dark cloud for you, coming up...clouds and then, you know, in and out of it there a bit of sunshine...like you got now...clouds and then sunshine, like you got now. I do see the sunshine coming down...uh...ten or twenty years from now...twenty or thirty, I can’t be sure....it might be tomorrow now instead of yesterday morning… SONNEY You don’t have to make change. Just stop talking about the weather. I’ll sell this tie. Do you think this tie might be worth twenty dollars? DIANA (handing him the money) No...here you are, sir. The best of luck...like I say, the best of luck. I don’t like to take money from a man who has lost and found his luck so many times - if you know what I mean -It’s crazy. It can’t be good for the spirit business in the long run, if you know what I mean…it’s hard for me to tell what’s happening to you, mister… SONNEY (as Diana hurries off) Yes, yes. I got the good luck now, but then a little later...POW! He examines the flower. So...wax petals on the top, but there’s a wire here. There’s still wire here! Ah, yes. “No wires,” she said. “No wires...but what do you expect these days on the street for free?” MR. CLARKE rushes on carrying his clipboard. ACT 1-Scene 2 CLARKE Hey! Sonenlightener! SONNEY What? CLARKE Sonenlightener, you’re late! SONNEY (holding up the flowers) Late? For what? My own funeral? I ain’t got no appointments, Sonny. CLARKE (consulting his clipboard) No! You are Sonney Sonenlightener, aren’t you? SONNEY Yes, yes, usually...Sonney Sonenlightener. CLARKE Of the Rosebud Band? SONNEY Nope. No, you got me wrong there. I don’t know any Rosebud Band...I...ah...I do play the concertina. CLARKE Oh, yes sir. I know you do...with the Rosebud Band. That’s what it says here: Sonney Sonenlightener’s Rosebud Band.... SONNEY Never heard of it! Ah, yes...but it’s certainly an interesting mistake, an interesting coincidence of names...the Rosebud Band, you said? CLARKE (consulting his clipboard) Yes, that’s what it says here... “Rosebuds...” the Rosebud Band. SONNEY There must certainly be some...ah...mistake here...I’m not...ah... CLARKE I hope not. SONNEY Why? CLARKE I certainly hope not, Mr. Sonenlightener. SONNEY (trying to absorb this situation) “You...certainly...hope...not....” CLARKE Definitely. I certainly do hope not. SONNEY All right. All right. So you know my name. Where do you come from? CLARKE I...ah...Where do I come from? SONNEY Yes. “Where...do...you...come...from?” CLARKE The studio, Mr. Sonenlightener. I come from the studio...CJH Studios. We have been looking for you all night, Mr. Sonenlightener. He shakes a reprimanding finger. Th...th...th...You should always leave a number where you can be reached, Mr. Sonenlightener. It throws us off our schedule. SONNEY “CJH Studios”...Well, isn’t that interesting? I thought you might be with the gypsies...Yes, there certainly still is that possibility...that you might be with the gypsies...I don’t...ah...I don’t know.... CLARKE (consulting the clipboard again) Yes...well, you’re certainly down next on the schedule. Is that your rosebud, sir? SONNEY (becoming aware of the flower in his hand) Rosebud? Well, no...it’s a carnation...if it is, really...it’s an artificial...ah, flower...prewired, you know...as you can see here, pre-wired from some previous celebration.... CLARKE (unsure) Oh, well, yes!... “pre-wired...” That’s brilliant, Mr. Sonenlightener, absolutely brilliant! SONNEY What? CLARKE Pre-wired for sound. Sonney’s electronic Rosebud Band, absolutely pre-wired for sound...but, unfortunately, we’re late...I know. Boys will be boys, Mr. Sonenlightener, but this studio does have a schedule.... SONNEY (as Clarke takes him by the elbow) Wait! Wait! No...there must be some mistake on this. I don’t have a Rosebud Band. CLARKE (hustling him off) No...no, Mr. Sonenlightener, it’s right down here on the clipboard.... SONNEY (resisting) I just got through with a gig at Mary’s bar. I don’t have a band. I am in a band...such as it is, of course. CLARKE Yes, of course: “the Sonney Sonenlightener Constructive Attitude.” SONNEY What!? CLARKE (reading from the clipboard) The “Sonney Sonenlightener Constructive Attitude.” That’s part of our publicity campaign. You do not have a band, you are in a band...uh...cooperatively speaking...we are all in the Rosebud Band.... SONNEY Yes...uh...I really didn’t know that I had...uh...any sort of a band at all. How many people are in this band, Mr....ah...CHJ....? CLARKE Clarke, sir...the name is Clarke. All of us are in the band with you, Mr. Sonenlightener. It’s the image our publicity wants you to project. SONNEY Uh, ok...ah...Clarke. Tell me...do I get paid for this? CLARKE What? SONNEY Do I get paid for this gig? CLARKE I...ah...I assume so, Mr. Sonenlightener. It’s in the contract. Don’t you have a copy of the contract somewhere? SONNEY Is this some sort of a joke? CLARKE (once again taking him by the elbow and guiding him offstage) Mr. Sonenlightener, let’s move along here, sir. I’m sure you understand, the studio has commitments. We have...quite a few commitments in the course of the week, Mr. Sonenlightener...quite a few...requests - and we have been trying all night to find you. Actually since yesterday at five-thirty in the morning. As they leave, the main area of the stage lights up suddenly, and ANTHIE enters down the back path carrying a sprig of all white tearoses. She is destroying these by playing: “she loves me, she loves me not” with the petals and leaves. This goes on silently for awhile.